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This post is about as messy as my head at the moment.
I keep hearing that animals can sense when their people need them.

Last night I was over at my in-laws' place. They have two little dogs. I'm not really much of a dog person, to be honest, and usually the dogs will jump on whoever wants them most. So it's not an issue or anything. I'll pet them every now and then but it's just not my thing.

Which makes me a horrible monster, I know.

I sat down on the couch and one of the dogs, Buddy, tried to jump on my lap. I told him no, because they're supposed to be invited onto the furniture. Part of the training they've done. But my husband sat down next to me and invited the dogs up, and they both jumped on his lap, but Buddy kept trying to move over next to me. Every time the petting stopped, he'd move closer to me. Which is bizarre. My Mother-in-Law commented on it because he was acting so strange. Eventually he let up, I thought that'd be it. But then he slowly started moving over to me again, and sat so that he was just pushed up against my leg.

Now, normally if this dog is within petting distance, he figures you should pet him. So he'll nudge your hand and put his hand on your lap and basically just make it so that you can't not pet him. Again, my Mother-in-Law commented. "Oh, he'll be nudging you any time now, just tell him to get down if you don't want to pet him." And he just...sat there. Next to me. Didn't lay down, didn't do anything, just sat there against my leg.

Normally I wouldn't think too much of it, but my Mother-in-Law had already commented twice, my Father-in-Law kept looking over, and then finally my husband said that he was acting really bizarre, and that it wasn't like him at all. Which I know, because I've been in the family for awhile now and I was there when they first got the dogs, who are rescues.

After we left, I started to think a bit more about Buddy's behaviour. And I wonder if, because I've been in such a low place for such a long time, he knew he should be there.

Maybe not, I don't know. I read an article about fostering kittens yesterday, and how it helped the author with some of her mental health issues. So I was already in that sort of frame of mind.

I've been thinking about getting a cat. I've joked about it since we moved into the new house, but, not being a dog person, I understand when someone isn't a cat person. I don't want to force that on my husband, you know? We talked about it a bit yesterday, and he said that if we could adopt a hypoallergenic cat, he would be up for it.

But then I start to think about everything that's required in caring for a pet, and I worry a bit. Who knows, maybe it would be ok...I think my parents still have some of the things they had for their cat, like the climbing tower.

I should not be thinking about this.

I should go down to the yoga studio and get things worked out so I can do some yoga through the winter, is what I should do. Because that's good for me, and it always helps tremendously. And I'm getting into a pretty bad headspace. I think that actually recognizing it has made it so much worse. When you think that your reality is normal, it's easy not to think too much about it. Now, I know that I'm not supposed to think that life is just a period of time you have to get through, and then you die. I know that's not healthy.

It's just tough to enjoy anything. I don't feel it. Or I do, but it's always short-lived. For a while now, it's just been a matter of getting through the days. Get through one day, sleep, get through the next day. On and on. And it's always been that way, more or less, but I'm much more aware of it, and that sucks. I sort of wish I'd just gone on not knowing, because it was so much easier.

My sister invited us for dinner, so that will be nice.

Maybe getting the basement organized will help. We've been talking about doing it and working through bits of it, but spending some time just doing it would be good, I think. Something productive that will help make our lives easier. Nothing wrong with that, right? Also, the Home Command Center. I'm really hoping that some organizing will be good.


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