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Hindsight and all that
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I guess I get contemplative around my birthday.

Things have been going pretty well. I'm back at yoga, but this time I've managed to stick with it. It's helping with my mental health issues, although I got some pretty tough news in January that I couldn't...deal with. So I'm also on some medication. It helps, some. I think the yoga is better for long-term. Although it's not covered under my insurance (but it should be).

I'm just trying to be better. But for myself. I deserve to be better, don't I? To be able to function in a state that isn't "near-panic" or "just survive."

It got bad. My frame of mind deteriorated rather rapidly around the holidays. Actually, I suppose it was closer to September/October. It's weird how quickly the time passes. I thought my life being over. Not in a serious way, but in that "If I were no longer alive, would it really be so bad" sort of way. There were things that got me through it, but that was when I realized that things really had to change. And things are better. I don't know if it's sustainable. We'll just have to see.

There is a new baby on the way (not mine). Actually, two new babies. One in a few weeks, one in the fall. So that's fun. I'm going to be doing a baby shower for one, maybe for the other one, too.

I saw Deadpool. I was actually really pleased with it, for the most part. I didn't think that the X-Men cameos were really required, but if they were going to do them, they could have been done better. I liked the bit of shift in dynamic between Deadpool and Weasel, though. That was awesome. And it was much less misogynistic than the early comics, which is also a nice change of pace. I'm excited to see it again, but I'll probably wait until it moves into the cheaper theatre. It was really awesome to see it in the fancy theatre with the reserved seats and all that, but I like the Cheaps.

New Harry Potter book! That's awesome. I've actually gotten back into reading lately. After graduation, the idea of reading for pleasure just didn't really occur to me. I still have 3 volumes of Buffy to read through, too (although I was saving those for special occasions, as ya do). I got some Sword of Truth books for Christmas, not that I haven't read them all, but re-reading them is excellent. I tried the Wheel of Time series and couldn't get into it. I've been told that once you make it through the first book, it improves, but all I could think was "This seems a lot like Wizard's First Rule...I should totally read that book again" and then I did, and I had the second book in the series as well so why not read that one, too? Then I got three through five for Christmas. It's nice having my own copies. I've always borrowed them since I'm pretty sure that within our family, we have at least two full copies of the series. I finally got a new copy of WFR because the original copy I have (which is an actual original copy of the book that I ended up with as sort of a gift) is falling apart in too many places now. And yes, I've got it all held together with elastic bands to keep the pages together at least, but that's not a long-term solution.

I'm going to take some holidays in March, I think. Just a few days off to have at home, to work on things and regroup. I have another week of vacation time now, since I've been here so long. The benefit of staying in one place. But the job has gotten harder, too. All the additional responsibilities that come with having direct reports (but without any promotion or training or help of any kind, really) has taken its toll.

I'm fortunate to have a job. And I like the company. And I think I'm adjusting. I just wish I could adjust faster. I have some training starting in a couple months and hopefully that will help. And maybe I'll need to go back to school and take a few courses, I don't know. I'm hoping that the training offered by the company will be sufficient. I've got some other courses coming up through work so I'll get through those, first.

The house is really coming along. We've made a lot of changes and improvements. It's starting to feel more like "home." I still wonder if we made the right choice. I think we did. I hope we did.

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